In the early 1990s, a New-Yorker-style cartoon floated around the federal office where I worked, and although I no longer remember the image, the words stuck with me: “The floggings will continue until morale improves.” We all agreed at the time that it was hilarious.

There’s a thing about humor, though—it’s funny because there’s always a deeper truth in it. It holds a mirror up to society or to ourselves, and it shows us a dark side, a side that really needs work.

I was thinking about this particular cartoon today, because I’ve been reading online about all the virtuous people who are creating intentions for their lives this year instead of setting New Year’s resolutions. Resolutions are out. Intentions are in.  Or, so they say.

I have a sneaking suspicion that no matter how you cover it up with semantic lipstick, those newly named intentions are still just another way for us to flog ourselves into some kind of perfection—or at least substantial improvement—that we secretly think is unachievable.

How about if, this year, we trying something truly different? How about if we stop and consider the radical notion of loving ourselves? If we are suffering and want to feel better, let’s love and nurture ourselves into health. If we are lonely and sad, let’s love ourselves so that we can be in community with others. Let’s stop the self abuse.

What do I mean by this?  Well, how about if we start with a few questions. Let’s start with a basic one, “Is THIS [substitute the word this with whatever shiny object attracts you at the moment] good for me?” The answer might surprise you.

That new 5/2 fasting plan? Maybe that’s not good for you if you have a history of abusing your body into submission through diet programs that are about punishment and rigid discipline rather than improving your health. Then again, maybe giving your body that rest a couple of times a week is just right. I bet you can tell whether it’s self love or self abuse.

Or, how about getting better sleep? What if you pledge to yourself “I’m going to bed by 10:30 every night?” That’s probably really good for you until your friends invite you to a movie that starts at 9:15 pm. Then what? Do you flog yourself for violating your rules in pursuit of a different and perhaps equally worthy goal?

Or, how about that crossfit class you’ve been eyeing for several months? Is that good for you? You know, it just might be the single best thing you can do for yourself. Then again, it might be the shortest path to the closest urgent care you’ve taken in a long time. Your measurement of what’s good for you doesn’t have to match anyone else’s measuring tape. Is it good for YOU?

So, how about it? Shall we stop all the floggings and see what happens? Shall we take care of ourselves in kind and loving ways? Shall we experiment and stop living the truth of that old cartoon?

Sure, the tools I use to help people can be part of you being kinder to yourself this year, and of course reach out if you think neurofeedback or hypnosis might be of benefit to you. That said, there are many ways in which you can enrich your life and call good things in for yourself in 2022. Just start by asking yourself if what you have in mind is good for you. Then follow up with asking whether it’s a loving thing to do for yourself. You know your own truth, if you just slow down enough to listen.

As a small business owner, I am constantly bombarded by marketers who want to help me take my practice to the next level, so that I can expand and grow and maybe even earn seven figures while I sleep at night.  When I first started out, these come-ons actually made me feel a little anxious, because I if I wasn’t doing what they said I should be doing, then I obviously wasn’t claiming my part of the  American Dream.

Over the years, I got wiser. I figured out that yes, of course I want to grow. Life is about growth. It is important for me to continue to learn and deepen my knowledge of what I do and how I work with the people who trust me to help them make changes in their lives. But, that’s not the same as expanding because the business advisors say that businesses are supposed to expand into ever-increasing revenue. They don’t talk nearly as much about going deep and really growing what you do to the next level of expertise or connection.

In the end, I did choose to work with a few of these marketing gurus. One in particular who is all about helping alternative health-care providers move past trading money for time helped me realize over a decade ago that, indeed, I’m still quite happy trading my expertise for the opportunity to be with people hourly. I re-evaluate that stance every year about this time, and the answer again for 2022 is, yep, I want to continue to be a solo practitioner who helps people one-on-one to change the trajectory of their lives. It pleases me. I’m good. I neither need nor want to expand into a large clinic.

I continue to study, of course, because there is never really an end to learning when your topic is the brain or the subconscious or the soul. My colleagues enrich me, professional writings and podcasts inform me, online workshops and conferences fill my cup. In fact, I sometimes find myself overwhelmed because there’s so much I want to listen to or read, and I don’t have enough hours in the day to consume the information I want to absorb to become a better practitioner. For me, though, that never-ending flow is another sign that I’ve reached a pretty good point in my life.

If you’re reading this post, then I have to guess that you’re either a former or potential future client, or at least a family member to one. And, I bet you think this is an odd thing to be writing to you about. Yet, I think it’s an important thing for you to know. I want you to know that if you choose to work with me, you’re working with someone who’s been at this long enough to know what she wants her time with her beloved clients to feel and be like. She knows her life priorities, and she wants to know yours, too.

Winter, to me even more so than necessarily the start of a new year, is a beneath-the-surface time. This time of year is when seeds lie fallow in the ground, rich with the sugars that will make them burst forth in the spring to bring greenery and new life to the planet. I encourage you to consider this time of year your own time to lie fallow and go deep within to learn about yourself. Get quiet and consider: what do you really want? Does that differ from what you’re told you should want? What do you hope will sprout as your personal spring arrives? What sugars are you storing deep inside yourself to make that happen?

The things you tell yourself, the whispers from inside yourself, are so much more important than any societal message about how you could grow and be rich. Your heart knows what you want to feel and be and experience. Use the beauty of winter to get quiet, and listen, and then know.