One of my mantras is that neurofeedback does not happen in a vacuum, and that it works best when done in conjunction with other steps to improve your life. (If you’ve already taken steps to fix what ails your lifestyle, neurofeedback is going to be an excellent next step, and this post probably isn’t for you.) You probably already know what those steps are—seeing a psychotherapist or a doctor if you need one, eating more real food and less processed junk, getting out in nature, moving your body in some way, starting or diving more into your spiritual practices, and creating better sleep hygiene.
Despite hearing this, so many who share my perspective that neurofeedback is powerful and effectivive still expect it to be slightly magical. The truth is that neurofeedback works great at calming your nervous system, but it does not fix the crazy in your world.
You must start to work on reining in the chaos. In fact, one of my mentors, Peter Van Deusen, says that a person living in chaos needs to cut the chaos in their lives by about 25% for neurofeedback to work optimally. What does that mean? How on earth does one cut chaos if their brains need help? Isn’t this an awfully tall order?
Not really.
The hard part of cutting the chaos is admitting where it exists in your life, then committing to creating something better for yourself. So, if you are not sure where the chaos lies, here are a few ideas for where you can look to find it in your own life:
Start with the pain points. What is bothering you? For example, are you not sleeping well? Sleep deprivation starts a cascade of problems that can lead to so many problems, from foggy thinking to irritability and even depression. If sleep is a big issue for you, of course neurofeedback can help relax your mind and body so that sleep is easier. However, if you’re staying up late because you’re gaming or binge-watching the latest thing that caught your eye, neurofeedback isn’t going to magically send you off to bed. You have to find your own system for regulating your time with electronics. Or, say your sleep problems are coming from stress at work. Neurofeedback may help you approach your work more calmly, but it isn’t going to make an excessive workload or mismatch between your talents and your job requirements suddenly disappear. It’s up to you to evaluate what is happening at work and how to tweak what you’re doing to smooth out the bumps. This doesn’t just apply to sleep; this works for whatever is upsetting you in life.
Examine your motivations. Why are you doing what you’re doing to create or tolerate or fuel the chaos? Is your life chaotic because you are overly busy trying to please all the people in your life and putting yourself last? Is it because you’re afraid that if you don’t keep up with others’ frenetic pace that you’ll somehow miss out on life? Have you simply lost track of the idea that rest and relaxation can restore your energy so that you can do more without getting overwhelmed? Are your boundaries off, so you find yourself taking on things you don’t feel you have the right to say no to or postpone?
Assess your self-care. Are you failing to take good care of yourself in meaningful ways? If so, it’s time to start practicing extreme self-care. This doesn’t mean bubble baths and a new outfit. It means doing the things for yourself that are nurturing and good for you. For example, every parent of a preschooler knows the price that gets paid when a child is allowed to stay up too late. The next day, they have a cranky, tantrum-monster on their hands. It’s even worse when children don’t have a regular schedule at all. We grown-ups aren’t all that different. We need a nice bedtime routine to feel our best. So, use the toddler example. Try thinking of yourself as that beloved child in need of the influence of a gentle, guiding parent. What would have to change to help you be the adult equivalent of a sweet, sunshiny, creative child having a great day? Do you need more veggies? A nap? Time to snuggle with a loved one? A good book? A three-day weekend? Coffee with a friend? A hike? Another way to look at is to stop thinking of ourselves as productivity machines and more like the beautiful people that we are.
Back in the early 1990s when I read Stephen Covey’s book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, I was particularly struck by his seventh habit, called sharpening the saw. He writes the parable of coming across a man standing next to an old tree with a huge trunk, trying desperately to cut it down with a hand saw. The person who encounters the would-be woodcutter says to the man something to the effect of, “If you sharpen that saw, you could cut down that tree much faster.” The man responds that he doesn’t have the time to sharpen his saw because he’s got to get the tree cut down before sunset. Please let him be, because he has important work to do. It’s so easy for us all to be like that woodcutter and forget that when we sharpen our own saws in life, things get done faster, better, with more ease, and probably with more pleasure or satisfaction.
Not everyone who comes in for neurofeedback needs to examine their lifestyle and habits in this way, but for most of us, an occasional reminder to cut the chaos for ourselves or our children is a good thing. In fact, just writing on this subject has inspired me to schedule a half-day, in-home retreat for myself.
Writing on this subject reminds me of poet Mary Oliver’s famous quote, “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life.” She also wrote, “having chosen to claim my life, I have made for myself, out of work and love, a handsome life. And can do what I want to with it. Live it. Give it back, someday, without bitterness, to the wild and weedy dunes.”
If you are ready to cut the chaos and create more of what you want in life, I can help with getting your brain on board, either through biofeedback for the brain as neurofeedback or by delving with you into your own depths via hypnosis.