This is the time of year when many of us slow to take stock in our lives and make changes, including New Year’s resolutions. Many experts advise us that we fail to follow through on the changes we want to make due to a lack of willpower, but I wonder if it’s the change itself that slows us down.

If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.

Attributed to Maya Angelou

I have always thought of myself as open to change and as one who’s not especially attached to material things. That changed a bit when we learned we needed to replace our washing machine.

Before it broke down completely, I researched new machines and sought the advice of our repairman. My husband and I decided on a particular make and model that we thought would perform well, meet our family’s needs, and be water/electricity efficient. We were satisfied with our decision, but when we went to purchase our selection, we learned that the charcoal gray color cost significantly more than the white. Because it felt foolish to pay so much extra just for color, we bought the model in white.

Leaving the store, I felt pleased by our choice, with the exception of one thing: the color. I still wanted the charcoal gray, even though it wasn’t a sensible choice.   Over the next several hours, I realized that I was actually mourning the loss of what I thought was a pretty appliance, and those feelings of sadness and loss caught me by surprise. After all, I don’t consider myself especially materialistic, and the machine is not ugly; it’s just white. I spent time just sitting with those upset feelings and wondering about them.

The next day, I realized that it was all about change.  I have had a charcoal gray washing machine in one form or another for almost 20 years. Plus, my old machine had served my family well, and I’d never had to think much about it. It was just there, ready and waiting every time I needed it. I hadn’t realized the comfort that came with that trustworthiness. I could be on auto pilot and not think about the machine at all; I could just use it.

Recognizing that I wasn’t attached to the machine itself but instead was attached to the comfort and aesthetics it provided was liberating. I realized that I could change because the new machine will be just as reliable and perhaps even more so. I realized that I could make it seem pretty and please my sense of aesthetics by painting the laundry room. I can adapt and make the best of this change even after close to 20 years of things being the same.

I felt silly in the wake of my brief washing machine upset, but I think I learned a few things about change and me.

THOUGHTS AND QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION

Where in your life has a change upset you or caught you by surprise?

When in your life have you resisted change?

Are you facing or perhaps denying the need for change in your life right now?

Are there minor tweaks, such as repainting the laundry room is for my situation, that you can make in your life to allow yourself to be more fully open to change?