In the early 1990s, a New-Yorker-style cartoon floated around the federal office where I worked, and although I no longer remember the image, the words stuck with me: “The floggings will continue until morale improves.” We all agreed at the time that it was hilarious.

There’s a thing about humor, though—it’s funny because there’s always a deeper truth in it. It holds a mirror up to society or to ourselves, and it shows us a dark side, a side that really needs work.

I was thinking about this particular cartoon today, because I’ve been reading online about all the virtuous people who are creating intentions for their lives this year instead of setting New Year’s resolutions. Resolutions are out. Intentions are in.  Or, so they say.

I have a sneaking suspicion that no matter how you cover it up with semantic lipstick, those newly named intentions are still just another way for us to flog ourselves into some kind of perfection—or at least substantial improvement—that we secretly think is unachievable.

How about if, this year, we trying something truly different? How about if we stop and consider the radical notion of loving ourselves? If we are suffering and want to feel better, let’s love and nurture ourselves into health. If we are lonely and sad, let’s love ourselves so that we can be in community with others. Let’s stop the self abuse.

What do I mean by this?  Well, how about if we start with a few questions. Let’s start with a basic one, “Is THIS [substitute the word this with whatever shiny object attracts you at the moment] good for me?” The answer might surprise you.

That new 5/2 fasting plan? Maybe that’s not good for you if you have a history of abusing your body into submission through diet programs that are about punishment and rigid discipline rather than improving your health. Then again, maybe giving your body that rest a couple of times a week is just right. I bet you can tell whether it’s self love or self abuse.

Or, how about getting better sleep? What if you pledge to yourself “I’m going to bed by 10:30 every night?” That’s probably really good for you until your friends invite you to a movie that starts at 9:15 pm. Then what? Do you flog yourself for violating your rules in pursuit of a different and perhaps equally worthy goal?

Or, how about that crossfit class you’ve been eyeing for several months? Is that good for you? You know, it just might be the single best thing you can do for yourself. Then again, it might be the shortest path to the closest urgent care you’ve taken in a long time. Your measurement of what’s good for you doesn’t have to match anyone else’s measuring tape. Is it good for YOU?

So, how about it? Shall we stop all the floggings and see what happens? Shall we take care of ourselves in kind and loving ways? Shall we experiment and stop living the truth of that old cartoon?

Sure, the tools I use to help people can be part of you being kinder to yourself this year, and of course reach out if you think neurofeedback or hypnosis might be of benefit to you. That said, there are many ways in which you can enrich your life and call good things in for yourself in 2022. Just start by asking yourself if what you have in mind is good for you. Then follow up with asking whether it’s a loving thing to do for yourself. You know your own truth, if you just slow down enough to listen.