Neurofeedback is a challenge to learn to do and takes years to master, but its essence is straightforward: learn the sites on the scalp where training is conducted and what brain functions lie beneath each individual address, learn the software, then discern where and how to provide training for each individual.

It’s straightforward enough that dedicated people can learn to do neurofeedback at home for themselves or a loved one when, for whatever reason, coming to an office for training is not an option.

Here’s the funny thing, though: I’ve had people come to me for training after working with other providers, and they get different results when training with me. I’ve had home trainers who are perfectly smart and capable at brain training tell me they don’t get the same results at home as they do when coming to my office for a few sessions. (I see photos and videos of what they’re doing, so I KNOW it’s right.)

There shouldn’t be a difference. It’s the same or similar technology. The same spots on the scalp. The same set of rewards.

Yet, the outcomes are not the same.

The reason why eluded me for a while, but I think I understand now.

When in graduate school for counseling, one of the things I learned was that no matter what type of counseling was done under what theoretical umbrella, the key factor that led to client improvement was the client-therapist relationship. That doesn’t mean that theory and practice do not matter; of course they do. But, human connection is the common thread that leads to progress in psychotherapy.

Even though they are not the same, I suspect that the same thing is true for neurofeedback as it is for mental health counseling—relationships matter.

In theory, neurofeedback works based on holding an electronic mirror up to the brain, then allowing the brain to make adjustments based on what it “sees.” This involves attaching electrodes, using an EEG device to measure brainwaves, then using software to reward change. It all sounds mechanistic and without a human element.

Increasingly, I’m not so sure about that. I think the person doing the training matters. I think their connection and encouragement matters.

Why wouldn’t it, when human connection matters in most other aspects of life?

I don’t want to overstate the idea. It doesn’t mean that an unskilled practitioner will get good results just because you like them, and it doesn’t mean that a skilled practitioner won’t get good results simply because you don’t connect with them well. It’s that a good relationship can help optimize good brain training.

I mentioned this to a colleague recently, and her response was to share with me that she’s had people tell her that they start to feel better as soon as they sit down next to her.

She and I don’t have clinical studies to prove this, but it makes sense.  At a time when so many people in our society feel disconnected from each other, a little connection—the feeling that another person truly cares about you and your well-being—matters.